I fancy thinking myself as some sort of an intellectual. At the very least, I know stuff. Yet, academic accomplishment does not entice me. No, I’d fail ten times in a row, but still consider myself smarter than others. An arrogance. A flair. I think myself to be very, very clever, thank you.
Anyway, the guy in the post thumbnail is Sigmund Freud. He got the honours because I couldn’t think of anyone who looked cooler than him holding a cigar , and I’ve already used Guy Debord previously. I think this will be a long post, to make up for the long silence from the previous post and my hands are aching to type. If you are ever interested about my life, this will be a good read. It’s the exorcism of my ego and everything I think about, in textual form as a practice of my written craft.
I got a placement in psychology school last year. It was my second choice in a university without a philosophy faculty. I would have much preferred, previously, to enter another university and major in philosophy and psychology together. Does it matter, come and think about it now? My philosophy is after all very human, so as to speak, and is psychology not about the study of the human? By virtue of their differences in epistemological attitudes, philosophy might offer me more subjectivity in my argument and its subsequent acceptance than psychology i.e. more “success”. But I think I have some good ideas in psychology already. I can be original, anyway. The objectivity that might exist, is but about conforming to established norms and what is. Were Maslov and Freud conformists to begin with, psychology could not have borne host to the ideas they are now famous for and wouldn’t have appealed to me as it has now. So why not psychology?
Suffer my lack of humility, but I think I would have a good learning, at least, in a few topics, and passion, as compared to maybe the average peer of my age: philosophy; psychology; literature; “weird” science to name some. I am more a self-learner than a school learner; an autodidact. Of course, I cannot just throw one of these domains of knowledge of mine to compete against another who has specialized in the subject in school – consider the Art student, for instance, I humble myself in his/her presence when it comes to arguing over whether postmodernism is art. However, I need to qualify that that does not automatically mean that I concede my argument. Likewise, I am a sucker for cultural hegemony, so the high bourgeois can shut me up when it comes to all these high-brow discussions by the merest gesture of their perceived ideological supremacy.
But I am not so one-dimensional! I don’t just absorb like a sponge, I am creative as well! At least, within me there is always an impetus to be original, to create, to want to be so unique and personal in my craft and my work which I can sign with pride. Honestly, I am not an accomplished poet or a designer, nor do I think I reach the levels of standard such will demand, but I think I make good stuff. At least, I like what I create.
I have strived always to impress upon others my liking for the arts, and hostility towards scientism. Yet let that not come across to you as me being hostile towards science. I quite enjoy understanding the mechanics of many phenomena, though I am bored by most that are thrust upon me to study. Ask of me to explain time dilation to you though, and my eyes will sparkle in geek-ish delight. Or suppose you were curious about how computers work, just listen to me explaining how SSDs are soon going to set a new standard for data storage compared to conventional hard disks. How about why some of us sleepwalk? I think I can burst with trivia! My worry is against the dominance of science with its material, tangible agents above all other methods of truth-seeking, into all fields of inquiry. Analytical philosophy, for instance, is an annoyance to me.
Music! Literature! Film!
My ears are attuned to many forms of good music, despite that my hands cannot bring sound to the world for I play no instrument. I have a liking for the theatrical, classical and baroque pieces written by Mozart and Vivaldi, amongst others, and I find the way sounds are drawn from violins to be rather darkly beautiful. Tragic yet mellow, it portrays the violinist as more than the musician he or she already was initially, and instead suggests a Faustian deal that is linked to the sound of the violin, a demonic counterpoint to the angelic harps played by the angels of God. Okay, that’s too romanticized there, but you get the picture don’t you? 
I quite like metal as well, for those who are not introduced before to this liking of mine, and I find some whom argue classical music and modern metal music to be rather off the track actually. If Bach was alive, he would be a metal kid. 
Metal and classical music are somewhat cousins, if you look at it from a structural point-of-view. Also, both produce oddballs. It is quite possible to headbang to classical as it is to metal. Metal, is but the evolution of classical music into the modern world with modern instruments and writing themes. I can tell when an artist makes good hard rock and pop tunes, still, though I might not necessarily listen to them consistently. Lady Gaga, to quote a more recent artist, I feel, makes good pop. She has certainly what it takes to fulfil her ambition of revolutionizing the pop scene, though it will be dependent on her stamina for longevity in the scene.
Literature! I grew up on legal and military thrillers by John Grisham and Tom Clancy, but as I aged I became a great fan of Anne Rice and the works of the existential authors e.g. Nietzsche; Sartre; de Beauvoir. In short now, anything plus a dash of continental philosophy will suffice for my reading. The classics are damned worth reading as well, from Dante’s Inferno to Edgar Allan Poe – if only there wasn’t so much considered under this umbrella term for me to read… Unfortunately, as a result of my quest nowadays for vintage writers and novels, I am actually totally unacquainted with quite some contemporary popular writers like Neil Galman; Margaret Atwood; Terry Gilliam etc. And don’t mention Stephenie Meyer in front of me unless you want a lecture on “Vampirism in Literature 101″.
Film! I particularly enjoy French cinema and am expanding my exposure to such. The characters; plots; lines and all grip me tightly during watching and make me remember the films with great clarity months after. It ought not be a surprise to say that I enjoy watching “intellectual films”? One of the best films I have watched in recent history would be “Waking Life” directed by Richard Linklater. There would be however some other English-language films that catch my eye without being overly academic or clever – in recent times, “Avatar” by James Cameron I consider to be a revolution in modern cinema. “Fantastic Mr Fox” by Wes Anderson, too, is a movie I think I would bring my kid to watch if I had one. As for my local Singaporean cinema scene, I am ashamed to say that I feel quite disappointed by it, as I am as well for most Singaporean writers, who seem to me to be writing extended narratives to pass an exam, rather than true novels. I think it was unkind of me to say those, but it is something I have harboured for years. But what are my words worth? I am unpublished, so do dismiss my words if you disagree. I must defend, however, the fictional works of Walter Woon, who is currently Attorney-General of Singapore, as I think they are really good. And yes, they appeal exclusively to my Singaporean psyche. So back to the point about literature, get his book to read if you have been dissatisfied with local literature all these while.
Next, I think fashion is a realm to talk bout. Unfortunately, it is an arena I have little ideas in. Anything that hints of Victorian sensibilities is definitely nice to look at, for me. The issue is its practicability is questionable in today’s world, so I generally go with anything. Looking consistent, or simple is a good guideline.
Comedy? I get a kick out of Monty Python! Classic brilliance! I very much as well love British sitcoms from farcical “Allo Allo”, surrealist “Young Ones” to witty “Yes, Prime Minister”. Modern titles include “My Family”. In the debate over British and American humour, I stand for the former. A good episode or two of “Simpsons”, or “The Addams Family” can also tickle me greatly. Macabre, black humour is a sure recipe with me. By the way, I cannot stand the film “Burn After Reading” starring Brad Pitt and George Clooney. I have hardly watched a show so…unwatchable before that I wanted to actually give it a -10/5 rating. In my words, and you may quote me: “It’s an American attempt at British humour” that fails terribly, and referencing the show itself, after it ended, I just went like, WHAT THE ****? Perhaps the directors just wanted that effect, but no thanks. I may be causing a Streisand Effect here, but DON’T WATCH IT. Okay?
On the issue of ethics and worldviews, I’m no humanist. But that does not necessarily mean I’m evil. I have long stopped doing things out of altruism and moral kindness. If any, it is for aesthetic values! (If in doubt, read Anne Rice’s “The Vampire Chronicles”) I do my work responsibly and with a professional work ethic that will rival the obedient, unquestioning worker because end of the day, I want to be proud of my work. I want to be able to wave it around the world and proclaim: “Look, it was I whom did it.” I am nice to people naturally, lest I am once offended, then will I withdraw my deposit trust. I am not difficult a person and am not prone to hostilities. But what irks me is inconsistency, idleness and intellectual blindness, which will quite irritate me. My default instinct when insulted is to turn cold rather than grow fiery. I might put a coin or note into another’s hands, and ask naught of why because I cannot give you an answer. Charity as a principle answers nothing; even “because I can” sounds like a clearer, better reason, or lack of. When it comes to moral values, I can hardly consider myself a rightist, but on the surface, all that I behave and act is largely no different from your average citizen, though my intentions and reasons may differ greatly, so nobody need fear me! I have quite dark thoughts and demented conclusions, but that seeks only to enhance my understanding of the world and its savage beauty and inhabitants, rather than to engineer any plot to overthrow the powers that be. No, I am too apathetic in my intellectual fatigue for that, sadly. Oh, and I still consider myself Buddhist, freely.
Am I finished? Why! There is I think very much on my ego still. My philosophy for example, which as I have mentioned before, directly influences how I live, is somewhat linked to my ethics and is a rather big part of me. However, some parts I think is better let lived than described. But in any case anymore would to be bore you the reader deeply, if you haven’t been bored stiff yet by my long monologue.
My point? I do have a lot in my mind! But more than that, I think my ego has been soothed and pleased enough already and I don’t feel guilty at not having written anything for long. This can almost be an “About Me” page for anyone who cares. I am tempted to develop any one of the many points I have just mentioned to a fuller essay, but for now, I must contain my fervor! My linguistic muscles have warmed up and gotten serviced after a while of stagnation. I must stop, now. CUT!
Scandalous! You put Stephanie Meyer in the same breath of a sentence as Neil Gaiman, wtf wtf!!!!! Read Fragile Things. Good short stories that introduce you to Gaiman’s style.
And I thought Burn After Reading was watchable. Not brilliant, but watchable. I didn’t like that woman with the short hair and the balding guy who took an interest in her, but the ending was okay. Brad Pitt was annoying. And the very starting part and last part where they zoomed in from some satellite was kinda weird (i.e. lame) but okay. 5.5/10 at least.
MUST WATCH REVOLUTIONARY ROAD. And Match Point. And Cassandra’s Dream. #hellodarkirony